Liberating Identity

My friend wants to be herself...

I never try anything, I just do it

It was the third day and I was crying. I didn’t feel sad, but it was just coming out of me. And my helper visited and I was crying and she said I could come down and I said, no, I’ve got one more night and I really am ok, I really am, I am just crying and I don’t know why and I will come down in the morning.

And today, decades later I am crying and I don’t know why, but I feel it now, the pain in my chest, the grief, and I think, this is the moment.

I went to the end once and it was pure love. Terrifying at first, so I meditated and thought, “I wouldn’t want to go through this without training”.

It feels as though another threshold has passed. It’s familiar. Something I have seen before. The identities of before are moving on. They want to be seen before they go. They are my life’s work after all. This investigation. And I do feel sadness.

But the letting go is already underway and so there is no sense in clinging any longer. I understand. There is nothing to prove.

There seems to me a rather twisted relationship with suffering going on, including the glorification, denial and requirement to prove. It’s all rather suspicious, so like the under cover journalist I fancy myself, I think, there’s a story here.

It seems to have connection to the idea that reality is based upon belief.

That’s a very vulnerable position. Easily corruptible. Essentially violent.

It also keeps all the power in the position of the oppressor, and repentant or not, I find that to be tedious and absurd. The undying arrogance is no longer infuriating, it’s simply boring.

The thing is at the end of the day, it’s all about reacting to reaction. There is nothing beyond the reacting. For the manipulator is trapped and they require more people in the trap. And if one stops feeding the reaction chain, they run out of options.

The difficulty is, this is played out in families, adults abusing children, and in societies, with ruling classes abusing everyone else.

Thus…

The Glorification (they with the power to wield and witness)

The Denial (the victim is not really suffering or deserves it)

The Proof (if the victim proves their pain, then the wrong can be proved)

The pain does not require proof and the oppressed do not require the oppressors’ enlightenment.

Our liberation and our healing does nothing to change or absolve what is. We are not obligated to bear our pain like a cross and we do not have to display our suffering in the name of justice to be consumed and ultimately denied.

We do not need to hide our experience either. Choosing the manner of our sharing and helping depends upon the truth of the moment. The understanding is what is important.

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